"It's NOT FAIR!" she screams inside her head for fear she would scare the neighbors. "She" is every widow, every woman left here on this earth seemingly to fend for herself.

"It's not fair that my daughter has to write notes never to give to her daddy! It's not fair that my son's daddy never got to see his first pitch from the pitching mound! It's not fair that I get to enjoy this house and don't get to tell him not to fix things! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Yes this is a moment of my morning. I read an email stating what I have stated all along this last year: it's okay to wallow, just not okay to stay there. And then I started wallowing...then bawling. All this is true, I hate the fact that their daddy hasn't seen a sporting game of theirs, enjoyed this house with us and just everyday life. It's also true that I serve a mighty God who knew this was gonna happen...He didn't sneeze and forget about us.

What was neat was in the midst of my wallowing I heard His voice saying, "look at you, you've turned the tables." "What?" I didn't understand what He meant just yet. Then it hit me. A year ago I was saying how unfair it was for Doug to have left us, that we were left here on this earth and he was so selfish! And here I am today, thinking how unfair it was for him to be missing out on these everyday life moments. I miss Doug so badly, I still feel as if there's a hole in my heart. But somehow, someway, it's getting easier and I'm still learning all I can in this season of our lives.

So, yet again I have a choice - to stay and wallow, or to press on toward the prize. I choose to press on, to have my wallow moments but to ultimately press on...and up in Him.