Spiritually Slapped

Have you ever been spiritually slapped? I have...more times than I'd like to admit! Yet here I am, admitting that I have just been spiritually slapped! I'm taking two courses this semester in order to achieve my BA in Psychology; Theology 104 and Psychology 210. Today I studied for both courses (I do distance learning through Liberty University). Nothing huge in Psych, other than another 96% on my quiz (they're open book! I should get 100%!!). However, Theo, got me going. I'm only a portion of the way in and it hits me, I can do more! The book that I'm reading is Core Christianity by Elmer Towns; the chapter is titled "Christianity is a Practical Religion". Duh, no brain-er there! As a Christian we're taught very simple truths. But here I sit, realizing that I'm not doing all that I could. I had this conversation in my head: yes I am, no I'm not...blah, blah, blah. The truth, in my own little world, is that I do what Christ asks...but is there more I can be doing? YES! I'm not saying that I'm gonna sell all I've got and go live in a hut in Zimbabwe! But what are practical ways that we can do the Lord's work? For some it is to go on missions, or live a missions filled life! I do not feel that the Lord has called my little family to that (not saying I wouldn't go, I am saying that if I did go right now it would be out of my OWN will and not the Lord's). What I do feel Him leading (and have for some time, insert bashful smile here) is to be more loving, more considerate, more patient to His creation. I do have times of "fleshing out", but people should see more of Christ and less of me in this life. Which means I hold my tongue, not engage in slander, love the unlovable. I can serve the homeless, provide a warm blanket, give the shirt off my back. I can teach my kids that we live in a blessed nation, that we have a God who has provided for us in ways we never thought we'd have to be provided for...and we can pass on that blessing and provision. It's a fine line we walk between works and salvation...yes, we are saved by grace and not by works, however if we just sit here getting "fat and sassy" (as I like to say) on the blessings of the Lord, we are GLUTTONS! Just as sinful as the addict down the street. We are not here to get fat on the goodness of our God, we're created for worship, to be the imagine of the one true God. We're blessed to be a blessing...are we living that way? I can honestly admit that I haven't been all that I can be, I've still got a ways to go in this race the Lord has set out for me and I pray that His light is what is seen as opposed to my fleshy ugliness...

Thankful

It's been a while since I've written and I thought it was about time that I did! And what has gotten me into the writing mood you ask? THANKSGIVING!!! I love the holidays, always have and I imagine that I always will! My sweet Doug loved the holidays as well, so the last holiday seasons without him have been...interesting, I'll put it that way. However, this was not meant to be a downer! Yes! Doug loved the holidays! Yes! I MISS HIM! But, I know that my God in heaven is bigger than death and it has no power over me! So...my first thought was, "what are you thankful for?" posing it to my audience...yet, there is so much that I am thankful for and I thought of this as I am sitting in my kitchen in a house I don't deserve with what I consider all the amenities! Here's my thankful list:
My GOD! Without Him we are nothing, with Him we are everything!
My children...words cannot express how amazingly thankful I am to our God who gave me these two precious gifts. They have taught me so much!
My home. Another gift from above; the kids and I say that the new car (which I am thankful for as well!) and the house are gifts from daddy because sadly if Doug hadn't have gone to be with Jesus we wouldn't have them...yet we'd have Doug. So I choose to think that Doug still wants to lavish us with all kinds of gifts ;-).
Air. We breathe relatively clean air.
Water. We drink relatively clean water.
Clothing. I feel fortunate enough to live in a country that provides such luxuries as excess clothing.
Speaking of country (and speech, lol!). I am thankful for this country's freedoms and the men and women who fight for those freedoms! If I haven't said it lately THANK YOU for your service!
My job. Often I've been known to say that I LOVE my job! And usually I say it sarcastically because something isn't going right that day, or I may have had some issues come up. However, I am truly thankful that I have a job and I work with some pretty cool people.
Time. Because of my job schedule I am afforded more time than most single working moms, for that I feel more than thankful...I feel blessed.
Friends. And by friends I mean the family kind. You know, the family you get to choose. I have some amazing friends who have been through thick and thin and still have stuck around. They know me better than I know myself sometimes and because they love me they tell me how it is...sometimes lovingly and sometimes not. BUT the fact remains that they are there for me and because they have been through the tough times I KNOW they are not going anywhere and I wouldn't have it any other way. Some friends come and go and some are worth the fight to keep them around.
Family. This list isn't in any order...really I'm typing as I'm thinking yet it doesn't mean that my family is less important than my home. I've been blessed with multiple families that sometimes was rough...yet it shaped me into the Alicia you see today, hopefully more like the Alicia God had originally intended and less like the fleshy Alicia that has been known to come around.
Church. Both THE church and MY church. The body of Christ...BIG church. I'm a rules kinda gal, I like structure and THE church has given me the structure I've needed. MY church has been Jesus with flesh on and I wouldn't change any one of them! We are a unique group of individuals ranging from babies all the way up to I'm not sure! And each and everyone of them loves as Jesus loves, gives as Jesus gives and even cries as Jesus cries.
OK...the list could go on and on and ON! Now...what are you thankful for?

"It's NOT FAIR!" she screams inside her head for fear she would scare the neighbors. "She" is every widow, every woman left here on this earth seemingly to fend for herself.

"It's not fair that my daughter has to write notes never to give to her daddy! It's not fair that my son's daddy never got to see his first pitch from the pitching mound! It's not fair that I get to enjoy this house and don't get to tell him not to fix things! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Yes this is a moment of my morning. I read an email stating what I have stated all along this last year: it's okay to wallow, just not okay to stay there. And then I started wallowing...then bawling. All this is true, I hate the fact that their daddy hasn't seen a sporting game of theirs, enjoyed this house with us and just everyday life. It's also true that I serve a mighty God who knew this was gonna happen...He didn't sneeze and forget about us.

What was neat was in the midst of my wallowing I heard His voice saying, "look at you, you've turned the tables." "What?" I didn't understand what He meant just yet. Then it hit me. A year ago I was saying how unfair it was for Doug to have left us, that we were left here on this earth and he was so selfish! And here I am today, thinking how unfair it was for him to be missing out on these everyday life moments. I miss Doug so badly, I still feel as if there's a hole in my heart. But somehow, someway, it's getting easier and I'm still learning all I can in this season of our lives.

So, yet again I have a choice - to stay and wallow, or to press on toward the prize. I choose to press on, to have my wallow moments but to ultimately press on...and up in Him.

I am determined...

I am determined.
I have a mind to set things straight,
I will not stay where I am at today,
or tomorrow.
I am determined.

I am driven.
To see my kids grow, to see them laugh,
to hear their stories and even
see them cry.
I am driven.

I resolve.
To fight the good fight,
To stay pure and holy and think on
those things.
I resolve.

I have not settled.
For this present situation,
to be the end all be all
for me.
I have not settled.

I will finish.
This race set before me,
With grace and the Lord's holy hand
holding me tight.
I will finish.

I am determined.
To not let the enemy win,
to not have him get the last word,
to win.
I am determined.

Are you?

Gardens...

Gardens

I have been thinking about this coffee talk ever since Christine asked me to speak! Ok, really it has been longer than that...more like a long time, "what would I say if they asked ME to talk??!!" First I felt the Holy Spirit say, "you would say yes" and then I freaked...I like hearing people talk and writing, but not speaking necessarily! But God is bigger than any feeling and I'm willing to change! So, that being said, I was praying and really seeking the Lord on a particular area in my life and why I may be having "issues" there. What I got was gardens. I would love it if I made more time (and had the knowledge) for being out in my front yard doing yardwork, as well as have a garden. A good garden is well cared for, weeded regularly and pruned. It hit me that LIFE is a garden, plain and simple. Every garden has a gardener, whether good or not so good. A good gardener will prune, weed and carefully tend their garden. A not so good one plants and hopes for the best.

As I was praying I realized that life can be a garden with a Master gardener, it depends on us. The Lord is the Creator of the garden. The Bible starts out with the garden of Eden. Starting in Genesis 2:8 it states:

8 The LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed. 9 And out of the ground the LORD God made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
10 Now a river went out of Eden to water the garden, and from there it parted and became four riverheads.

God's ultmate goal was to create a place that man could live and sustain himself. God, being a Master gardener, created a place that supplied food, caught the eye and was self-sustaining (the river running out of Eden to the garden). The story continues in verse 15:

15 Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

His voice was to be obeyed, had His voice been obeyed they would have lived! But we know the rest of the story, a deceiver came in and planted seeds of doubt. Another gardener; where God planted life, this one planted doubt and eventually death. This was a literal garden...let's turn it toward our own lives.

The Lord comes into our lives with His pruning shears and many of us want to run in the other direction, yet if given permission He'll still prune us. He prunes all that is garbage, all that is unnecessary and all that is unwanted...He prunes all the weeds and the dead spots. These things take valuable nutrients away from the areas that He wants to come to fruition. Sometimes He even prunes areas where everything was seemingly growing just fine, leaving us in a whirlwind of questions. This I chalk up to Him being a Master gardener, knowing what I possibly just cannot fathom or understand.


As I was praying I realized just how many other "gardeners" I had allowed access with their pruning shears. It dawned on me that the Master has so much more work to do when we allow other gardeners in! And how much work He has to do when I decide to be a gardener in other lives. But, BUT, if we listen and allow the Lord to come in and take over, prune and get rid of areas that are either dead or dying (or killing us) then after the shock of the initial cut He comes in with His gentle hand.

Isaiah 51:3 (New King James Version)

3 For the LORD will comfort Zion,
He will comfort all her waste places;
He will make her wilderness like Eden,
And her desert like the garden of the LORD;
Joy and gladness will be found in it,
Thanksgiving and the voice of melody.

A hand that is filled with water, good soil and His Son.

Micah 5:2 (New King James Version)


2 “ But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah,
Though you are little among the thousands of Judah,
Yet out of you shall come forth to Me
The One to be Ruler in Israel,
Whose goings forth are from of old,
From everlasting.”


He comes with fertilizer, His holy word, that if read will provide life altering nutrition!

Psa 18:30 As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

Psa 56:4 In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?

Psa 56:10 In God (I will praise His word), In the LORD (I will praise His word),

Pro 30:5 Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.

Isa 55:10, 11 "For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.


We've got to get this people; we've got to understand that God is a Master gardener, full of love and mercy (Eph), grace (Acts), and salvation (Luke)!

Luk 19:9 And Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house,

Eph 2:4-9 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Act 11:23 When he came and had seen the grace of God, he was glad, and encouraged them all that with purpose of heart they should continue with the Lord.

We are thrown curve balls in this race called life and we are given a choice: will we let Him come in and prune, or will we let the world come in and stifle?

Mat 13:22 "Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word, and the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and he becomes unfruitful.

The Box...

I have a box. I've lived in several, only to have them blown apart by my loving Father. But that's not this box. The box I write about now is a literal box. Right now it sits in my closet toward the back awaiting my attention, as it has for the past year.

This box is full of memories, full of hurt and healing, full of lost dreams and love. This box was created shortly after my Dougie's home-going.

It's a process that I've put off. I can look at it now though. At first it was in the bottom floor of my old house...where I never went and therefore never saw which meant I didn't have to deal with it. Then we moved and it came with us. It sat in a corner of my family room in between a couch and a chair for several months until I decided it was time to straighten that room up. Then it moved to my room on a trunk. That's when the idea hit me to write about it.

As it has moved it's gotten closer to the destination of it's contents: a memory chest in my closet. I am all about healing and I know that healing comes when I deal with things and move on. I know that I won't truly move on until the Lord's loving, healing hands pour over me...and that only happens when I allow it.

I know that I have to go through this box and "blow" it apart so-to-speak, but I also know that grieving is a process best left to the loving hands of my Father. I won't delay it, but I won't rush it either...what's your box look like?

The Invitation...

We all have it. We have all been given the invitation I speak of. The only thing is that it is an invitation for one. A chance to dance in the halls of pity. "Pity! Pity party of ONE!" It calls loudly to you, screams it sometimes. What do we do with it? Do we indulge? Do we sit at the tables that surround waiting for someone, ANYONE, to come and join us? Or do we acknowledge the invitation's presence and move on?

This is where I am today...with the invitation in my hand at the crossroads of Pity Party Lane and Freedom BLVD. Started out well-enough...well almost. Was almost late for work (seemingly my forte lately), growled at some co-workers, and then realized it was the first Friday night in a while where I didn't have something (softball) planned...and I froze. That was when the invitation was handed over.

As most (if not all) of you know this last week was the first anniversary of Doug's home-going...so it would seem fitting to be invited to a party...right? I've felt fine, haven't gotten too over-emotional and have felt level headed about most things. Which is more than I can say about this time last year. This time last year I was a walking zombie (don't tell my kids that, we don't do the whole 'zombie' thing ;-)), praying and believing that SOMEONE was taking care of my kids because I simply could not.

And they were taken care of. God is so good to have place so many wonderful people in my life that I didn't need to worry about a thing...in fact when everyone left and it was me and the kids, I had a hard time adjusting to doing things for myself again!!

To those who have prayed...thank you.

To those who've supported...thank you.

To those who've simply cared...thank you.

So...this invitation? I returned to sender...address unknown...