Dear Doug,

(For those wishing to read this it is just a letter to Doug...you may read, but beware that things may sound raw)

I miss you so much...everything about you, yes even your dirty clothes on the floor, your snoring (yes you did snore) and how you'd tickle me til I'd scream. I miss you stealing my sneezes from me, keeping the kids up later than I wanted and how you'd leave traces of you EVERYWHERE. I miss how you'd go to church early, let me sleep in on Saturday mornings and forgive me before I even asked it. I miss how you made me feel like a queen, how you made the kids feel like royalty and how much you'd grown in Him.

So much has changed in the last few months. I've done things I've never thought I'd have to do and soon I'll do more than that. I've learned how to start the motorcycle (soon I'll be riding it), take care of the lawn and make sure the plumbing is running smooth. All things that I thought you'd be doing alongside me. As I've stated the kids went back into public school and I've learned how to make decisions for the three of us, which is weird!

Most recently though we are planning to move. I've told others that had you still been here we wouldn't even think about moving, but it being just the kids and I, I thought it best to move. Really I wanted to move the day you left this earth, but I thought that I had better not make any rash decisions right at that moment. And I'm thankful that we waited. Had we moved it may not have been His will and we would be lost, stuck in an area that we didn't want to live in. Now, though, we have real chance. The Berthoud's have been absolutely amazing. They've bought a place out in Riverton and there just HAPPENS to be a house for sale right across the street from them! Originally we looked into a rental about 6 houses down from them and thought that's what we were doing...until their realtor and I talked and he asked me what I thought about buying a house. Well we started looking into buying that house and then found out the rental wasn't an option. As it stands right now we're waiting to hear from the owner of the house that is for sale. I put an offer on a house! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??!!! I have to admit though, it was weird. The only times I've bought a house has been with you. I wanted to scream, "THIS ISN'T FAIR LORD!" and I have many a time, fewer and farther between though. I know that God knows what He's doing, that He hasn't left me and that He's only given me what He knows I can handle. But this sure isn't the way that I had thought things would be.

I've come to the place where I still want to tell you absolutely everything...yet at the same time I know that I must move on and that's what you would want for me and the kids: to remember you and the best way to do that is to go on with our lives, not as if you weren't ever a part of it, but as if we are awaiting our reunion with our Father in heaven and you. Thank you for wanting to go and prepare and save a place for us, and for being willing to go. You were always so selfless and giving...I love you...