Fire

Fire

I sat in prayer the other day with a dear sister pleading for loved ones and ourselves for many reasons.  One reason was for healing for the both of us.  At the time it seemed rather silly to be praying as we were…well not really, but looking back somewhat…it was so child-like to me the way we were praying, yeah that’s it.  We were praying in our child-like understanding for healing to come in ways that seemed silly.  But it really wasn’t silly.  OK I’ll get to the point ;-). 

We are going for massages soon and both are really excited about it. We both desperately need it so our prayer was for the massage to be God’s vessel in our healing.  She prayed that the hands of the massage therapist would be healing hands (among other things that slip my mind at the moment); I prayed fire through those hands.  Right as I was saying it though it seemed silly, that God would work through their hands into our bodies as fire.  As fire burns away the dross may their hands burn away the pain in our bodies.  I’m expecting big things from this massage.

As today has worn on though, I’m wondering if God meant more from that prayer for our bodies than we had imagined.  I’m sitting here at my kitchen table and was minding my own business when a song popped into my head.  I originally thought it a random song as sometimes happens, yet as I’ve thought on the lyrics I’m not so sure.  You see, today I’ve been dealing with a lot of crud.  Different darts that the enemy has thrown at me have hit and nearly caused a world of hurt.  The song? Disciple’s “Draw the Line”.  The lyrics are just so on it…just right on for me today.  Well the me that chooses to “Draw the Line”.

This is the interesting part.  The song talks of drawing a line, that this is where the old man dies and goes no more.  Throughout the song there is talk of failure and how much the singer has messed up.  These very thoughts have pervaded my whole today, tried to leave me incapacitated for any good or wise purpose today.  I refused to give in though, at least physically.  Mentally, however, I’m sure the enemy felt he had me pretty beat.  Well, sir…This is where I draw the line.

I refuse to let Satan take over in such a fashion.  I refuse to be taken in by the lies of not being good enough, pretty enough, or enough of any other thing.  I choose to let my King and Defender fight my battles and I draw the line.  The old me dies, the new me (created in God’s image) will rise.

Oh, I didn’t even get to the fire part of the song to relate what we had prayed just days ago!  Further in the song he sings of burning up, to set him on fire and burn him up!  What does fire do? Duh, it burns, but it burns the dross away so that the reflection of the Creator can be better seen in the final product.

Burn me up Lord, set me on fire, burn me all the way!

Draw the Line

Another crash, another fall, another failure
Another choice I don't want to remember
Been here too many times
Every day's another fight
I'm at war with the person I could be
Give me a chance and I'll mess up a good thing
But this is where it ends
Yeah, this is where it ends

chorus:
This is where I draw the line
This is the where the old me dies
Light a match, let it burn, kiss it goodbye,
Giving up what I was
This is where I draw the line

(whoa)

Another battle I've lost fighting solo
How many times must I learn what I already know?
Can't do this on my own
I wasn't meant to fight alone
So I'm lifting my hands in surrender
Take my faults and my flaws, make me better
Cause this is where I end: right where You begin


(chorus)

Whoa, whoa,
Set me on fire,
Set me on fire,

Burn me up, burn me up, burn me all the way,
Til there's nothing left but You
Burn me up, burn me up, burn me all the way,
Til there's nothing left but You

Set me on fire, cuz'...

This is where I draw the line
This is the where the old me dies
Light a match, let it burn, kiss it goodbye,
Giving up what I was
This is where I draw the line

Burn me up, burn me up,
Burn me all the way,
Til there's nothing left but You
Burn me up, burn me up,
Burn me all the way,
Til there's nothing left but You

This is where I draw the line

Holy Moly!

It's been five months since I posted here!  That is just NOT OK! So here's a tidbit, a little of what God is doing ;-).  I know it's not much, however, it is where God has me and I'm sure you'll enjoy!

Grace...we all do not deserve it, yet we are so freely given it.  This past weekend I had the pleasure of learning grace first hand.  A situation came up where I failed someone and I felt horrible.  I felt I had let them down and that they were very upset with me, even though I knew that wasn't the case.  Needless to say I was upset with myself.  Normally, I would begin beating myself up at this point, yet because of the God that I serve I have been learning how to overcome that battle.  This time I began to search out the truth.  The truth was I had let someone down, I failed.  However, the truth was also that while this person was probably upset, they understood - life happens and people forget things!

Thankfully this happened on a Sunday and it happened before worship started.  I had already planned on spending some time studying before church service started, yet the worship is what got me.  As I was worshiping I was still pondering (OK, dwelling) on the previous situation.

"What would have happened if the tables were turned, if they were to have brought the item yet forgot?" I heard the Lord ask me.  "I would tell them it was no big deal!  To not worry about it at all!"  "Why do you have grace enough for everyone else but you?"  That statement spoke right to the matter at hand.

I found that I have grace galore for others and absolutely none for myself.  That was huge.

Why is it that we can have so much grace for those around us but have none for ourselves?  I'm sure there are many reasons and I have my own theories in regards to my own situation, yet the fact remains that while we were still sinners Christ died for us and His Father extended grace that was undeserved.

How much more grace should we extend to each other...including ourselves.

Brides

Here I go again with the brutal honesty...but I won't jump into that just now.  I'm currently in the process of reading about 10 books (give or take) and one of them is called, "Common Mistakes Singles Make" by Mary S. Whelchel.  A phenomenal read for the single and married alike.  Her premise is that many singles are making mistakes (and many marrieds make mistakes about singles as well).  What struck me is a section titled, "We panic over the scarcity of Christian men".  This is something that I had thought about, yet after much reading (in this and other books) I've realized that may not be the problem at hand...but that's for another blog ;-).  This post was meant for something greater.  And actually has changed faces at least once...blogspot has a new system and while I thought I had saved my work it proved that I didn't :-(.  So, here's the latest and greatest.  When reading this section it hit me that we are the bride of Christ.  That we should seek Him out before, BEFORE, we seek out any other relationship.  I know this may seem trivial to some, but for me - a single mom trying to figure out the dating scene - it was huge.  I have got to keep my focus straight on Him and Him alone and trust that He has got His best plans laid out for me.  While I would like to say that this is a no brainer, easy choice, it is not...it is a day by day (sometimes minute by minute!) choice I have to make.  Surely some days are easier than others and thankfully today is one of those easy days ;-)

A new day...

Today is a new day...and with it comes new revelation! I was on my way home today when I came to the realization that in order for me to begin this process of wholeness I've got to admit that there is a problem. Sometimes that means plastering it for the whole world to see, which is what I did. My Facebook status was as follows: I've been found guilty of being chronically insecure...my prayer is that soon I will be found guilty of being chronically healthy". And I posted it so that there was nothing to hide...so people would see that people falter, they're human, and really don't have it all together as it may seem that they do.

After I posted it I got an awesome vision: Imagine a courtroom, I'm the defendant, the Devil is the prosecutor, and God is the Judge. Yup, that same one that most of us have envisioned where the Devil is just persecuting us, naming every wrong thing we've ever done to the One who has the right to judge us rightly. Only this time I was countering, it was my turn to talk...and not out of defending myself (because I already have a Defender) but out of making sure the facts are straight. My counter? Simply put, "You, oh enemy, are the one who placed those there in the first place! Yes, I had the choice and I was making the wrong choices at first, but now that I am aware of just WHO put them there and HOW it has affected me, I give them back, they are NOT mine!"

And what song started playing as I started typing this? My song...the song that God gave me to remind me of just Whose I am...Divine Romance by Phil Wickham. I am His and He is mine...my life is chalk full of divine appointments and the rest of this life is no exception to that!

Hope you enjoy the song ;-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlsIwmtb0U8&feature=related

Beautiful things

Last week was a beautiful thing. I sat in my room and was met by may Savior in a very real way.

I've had this issue that I've been dealing with for some time. One of those things that you really want to just go away but for some unforeseen reason it won't. For me it wouldn't go away because my vision was skewed. My vision was skewed because I wasn't allowing the Healer to show me how to heal this situation. Once I gave up, fell on my face before His throne, I was able to see more clearly.

I was able to see what was hindering me, able to see the real reason I was hurting, and able to begin another healing process...a process many years in the coming. And how do I plan to accomplish this healing? By asking for prayer. Yes, it is a blind prayer as I am not going to give specific details, however I believe that the Holy Spirit will lead and guide those who are praying for me.

How else? By obeying! And this is where my vulnerability is just going to come out before I have the chance to stop it. I am no longer a coffee drinker and I plan to stay that way for a long, long time. You may be asking, "Why no coffee?" And the simple answer is because He told me not to drink it. The longer answer is because I want Him more than I want the coffee! He is worth more to me than what a little cup of coffee does or doesn't do for me!

On that note...I urge you all to seek Him, ask Him what you should be doing in order to grow deeper with Him...ask Him what may be hindering your growth and be willing to take the answers He gives!

Love and blessings to you all!

What if...

What if instead of getting to the end of ourselves we get to....the end of ourselves? Confused? I was too. But it really is oh so clear. I have found lately that I just can't do it all. I have to ask for help, I have to seek the Lord on matters, and I have to reach out to others. If I continued doing it all by myself I would get to the end of myself, I would burn out and fail miserably.

But, on the flip side, if I get to the end of myself the way that God has designed then I will succeed. I will sail instead of fail and soar to the highest of highs...with the Lord being my strength and shield.

I have issues (those that know and love me know that for certain!) but those issues will not just resolve themselves, and I cannot fix them. I've got to do things God's way, seek Him in all I do, so that those issues become success stories, so I can look back and see what God has taught me instead of seeing failures.

Get your seat belt on tight for this one!

Crazy dream:

It starts out with Susan, Jenna, and me in my room…like we were getting ready for something. Susan then says she smells something funny which reminds me that someone or something had been seriously sick in my room. It was on my bed (pooh) and on the floor by my window (barf…wet barf). I don’t mean to be graphic; I’m just giving the details of my dream ;-). So I say something to the effect of, “Yeah, I’m sorry, the cat got sick and I haven’t cleaned it up yet” (gross, I know…again my apologies). So we leave and Jenna and I are in the car (I think we were at the recreation center working out) when all of a sudden we see another car that has people dressed up as clowns. All of the people were tattooed in some way and two of the people were a couple we knew years ago. At that point Jenna backs her car up, keeping up with them going forward, and we started talking with them. They were shocked to see us, but were pleasant nonetheless and then we go on about our business. Then (you know the fun part about dreams? When you’re all of a sudden in a different ‘scene’ and you don’t know how you got there! That’s what happened at this point) I was at my house and the gross mess was still there, yet there were several things missing. Namely my memory boxes, a nightstand, and a headboard (I don’t even have a head board!). Oh, and I noticed I had a messed up thermostat, which right now works fine. Instantly, I was upset and I didn’t know what to do. So I called Jenna (at this time she was not physically with me) and told her what had happened. After I got off the phone with her I just sobbed at the loss. I could care less about the nightstand and headboard (that I don’t have anyway, lol!) but my heart ached for those memory boxes and what was in them. What importance do they hold? They are mostly Doug. So I sat there, then lay there, a sobbing mess. Until Jenna got there again. I got the feeling that she was rather annoyed with my sobbing and wanting me to just get over it as it was just stuff, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let this go. I remember looking at her and saying, “They even took my headboard! I think I had a headboard…?” and when I went into the room that’s when I saw my mirror filled with dust. As I looked up my ceiling was a mess! There were pictures and sketchings and drawings all over! Mostly the sayings were of the encouraging kind and the pictures were pictures that would have been from before Doug passed away, so seemingly from a memory box (I do not believe that there are pictures in either of the memory boxes I own, but that’s the way my mind wrapped it up!) and when I looked further (in total shock now, more shock than when I was when Doug died!) I saw that they had taken down something on my wall that I had put there, but where I looked in my dream is where my light switch is! I also remember seeing a ceiling fan, which I do not have and I also was together enough to know I had to call the cops. I got the feeling that this happened while I was napping rather than while I was out with Jenna, but I could not get over the fact that I was in the house when it happened (I may have thought that because I was ‘napping’ at the time of the dream…?). I also felt that Doug was there as well, but not in the room so I couldn’t be sure. This again ensued a plethora of sobs, which may have caused Jenna to leave (I don’t do drama either, so I’m not really surprised…I am surprised at the amount of emotion I put into this dream though!) and then Doug was there. I was still so upset, I explained everything to him while in the kitchen (in the house I now live in and he’s not ever lived in) when he showed me our skylight (which he must have insisted upon because I currently do not have a skylight anywhere in the house, nor do I plan on putting one in!). The skylight had a sticker on it, one that must have not been there before, and instantly we knew who did the break in…the couple Jenna and I had seen while driving. The sticker was nothing spectacular, just something that they would have put up. All throughout this time I got the feeling that all they wanted to do was help, but they didn’t know what to do or how to help, so they did what they knew. After seeing the sticker and telling Doug about working out and seeing the couple I woke up…very confused at what had just happened. And also checking my room for anything out of place ;-).