Newness

So I made it through. Christmas was a blur, yet holds so many memories. Joey got his turtle that he's wanted for about 5 years and Lizzie will get her two kitties once we move. I got a Kitchen Aid stand mixer that I've always wanted. We went to brunch with some great friends and then later to a movie.

New Years was fun as well. We spent the evening with another group of great friends. And we all had a blast. I don't think I saw either of my kids for more than five minutes at a time! And everyone there was amazing. I didn't for a minute feel like an outsider, that I didn't belong which has happened to me in times past (by my own fault, nothing anyone else did).

Neither of these days was I too sure about, yet there was nothing I could do to stop them, lol.

The gifts that we got won't replace all that we've lost this passed year and I would be living a lie if I thought that they would. So I'm faced with a dilemma yet again. I can choose to move on or I can choose to stay. So many times I would like to stay, yet what would that fix? Would it bring Doug back? Nope. Would it make me feel better? Nope. Yet I'm sure that many have felt it would do a disservice to move on. That's where I am at, yet I KNOW that Doug would say, (in a very stern voice) "MOVE ON!" I have no ill feelings toward moving on; it hurts and it sucks yet I know that He is with me through this all. I don't think that moving on is a bad thing, that having a new life is harming my old one in any way. And that's what this is...a new life. I'm thankful for the new year, thankful that 2009 is now over and 2010 is a promise of new things to come. 2009 holds so many memories, good and bad, and 2010 holds the possibility of new memories to be made :-)

Love to you all and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!